He’s Got The Whole World in His Hands

There are not many players who only ever play for a club on loan, more than fifty times, and achieve the sort of cult status normally afforded only to club legends.

One man who has achieved that very feat for Bristol Rovers however is Mikkel Andersen.

“I still look out for Rovers when the results come up” he admits.

Not many players end up in the Football League via the same route as the Great Dane either.

“I played for AB Copenhagen from the age of 11, and got promoted to the senior squad when I was just 15.”

Mikkel to this day has the honour of being the youngest goalkeeper ever to appear in Danish football, a stat which was helped no end by his first coach.

“I worked with a very tough goalkeeping coach at Copenhagen, called Jens Petersen. He worked us very hard, both physically and mentally, but I learned a lot from him, and we are friends now. He toughened me up a lot.”

Mikkel’s lucky break came during a training camp at the age of 15, in which one of AB Copenhagen’s opponents were Reading, a club who have scoured the Scandinavian market with success in the past.

“They liked what they saw, and offered me a trial. I also had trials with a few other teams, including Tottenham and Udinese.”

It wasn’t until Mikkel turned 18 that he left his motherland, a decision made more difficult by the potential suitors on offer.

“There was interest from Liverpool, Chelsea and several others. In the end I chose Reading and signed for them in 2007.”

For goalkeepers, joining the Royals is a sensible choice. In recent times they have nurtured many highly rated custodians, including Ben Hamer, Alex McCarthy and Adam Federici.

The flip side of a successful coaching team though is that Mikkel has yet to play a game for Reading.

“It’s very frustrating. I want to play for the club that brought me to England, and I’m still hoping to do that in the near future.”

Mikkel has had short-term loan spells with Torquay, Rushden, Brentford and Brighton, staying no more than a month at each. A difficult situation for any player, but Andersen’s highly acclaimed attitude is rather more reasoned.

“It’s just something that, as a footballer, you have to deal with. I love playing in front of a crowd though, and I love showing people what I’m good at.”

Mikkel’s first taste of regular first team action came after a call to arms from the West Country.

“Lennie Lawrence and Paul Trollope brought me to Bristol Rovers and I was buzzing with the opportunity to go out and play first team football.”

“If I’m honest, I didn’t know much about the club, but was looking forward to getting my career going.”

Mikkel caught the eye with some impressive displays at the Gas, and this allied to his professional approach to the game didn’t go unnoticed.

“I cant describe how much it meant to me. I loved playing in front of the fans in the Blackthorn End at the Memorial Stadium, it was special and I felt lucky every time I took to the pitch.”

“I’ll always remember my time with the fans at Rovers as something very, very special.”

Mikkel acknowledges the influence of others at the club too though.

“I could mention lots of people. Lennie Lawrence and Paul Trollope believed in me, and gave me my chance as a young keeper. I still stay in contact with them today.”

“Steve Book, Rhys Evans and Len Bond also had a massive influence on me. I’m still very close to Len. Plus all the other staff; Keith Brookman, who helped me with everything off the pitch, the kit man ‘Dodge’, and Phil Kite.”

“It sounds cheesy but I still have some very warm emotions towards the club and the staff.”

This season, Mikkel is part of a Portsmouth squad battling against the backdrop of financial meltdown.

“We have had chats since last season regarding the loan move, and I’m just glad that it worked out in the end. It was hard work for everyone involved, my advisors, Portsmouth and Reading.”

A difficult situation on the South Coast, but Mikkel is remaining positive.

“I’m enjoying my football. The fans get behind the team and support us all the way. Everyone tries not to think too much of what’s going on outside the pitch, but it’s there.”

And so to the future. “In five years time, I’d like to have been playing in the Premier League for a few years, and still going on and getting better.”

Though still only 23, Mikkel has already thought about life after hanging his gloves up. “I’d like to stay in the game, but at the moment I don’t know in what capacity. Maybe as a manager, I’m not sure.”

Just how far does Andersen think he can go? “I believe I can play for a Premier League top four club”.

From some of his performances at the Gas, it’s possible that given time to blossom, we may yet have another Premier League star to claim as one of our own.

A long and winding road

To become a professional footballer takes an incredible amount of hard work and dedication. To overcome the odds in the first place is rare; but to have been released by your first club, then repeatedly loaned out by the lower league club who picked you up, and still forge a career in the football league is something far harder.

The career of Lewis Haldane however doesn’t quite have the fairy tale ending to match the build up. At just 27, Lewis this month announced that he had to call time on what is a fascinating career.

“To be told less than a month ago that I would not play again was devastating; not just to me but also my family who have supported me throughout the whole ordeal.”

On the 30th August last year, whilst playing in a Football League Trophy tie for Port Vale away at Tranmere, Lewis’ world was shattered, in more ways than one.

“I jumped up for a header to flick the ball on and landed awkwardly, and snap! There goes my career!”

Lewis suffered an horrific double break in his lower leg. What followed was an agonising road to recovery that unearthed a few truths about himself.

“I always knew it would be a long road back, but nothing prepared me for the mental heartache it would cause being on my own for over a year in the gym, making small steps of progress but then later I’m having yet another operation.”

Incredibly, Lewis was well prepared for a long spell of recuperation, thanks to a bizarre incident that nearly cost him his life just a year before.

“I remember having a stretch at the end of a pre-season training session and I was rubbing my ankle, thinking I must have knocked it. I went home that night and didn’t feel right, then I was in agony when it came to bed time. I couldn’t walk up the stairs the throbbing became so intense.”

“I went to the hospital and was admitted for tests. I was vomiting like never before and I was in a bad state. I was kept it overnight, but kept getting worse.”

Unbelievably a totally random incident had almost cost far more than just his career. Doctors were so worried that Lewis was kept in for two weeks, during which time he lost an incredible three stones in weight.

“The doctors said I had been bitten by a mosquito, carrying some sort of disease and I was just unlucky. You couldn’t make it up really! It took me 6 months to get fit again and put the weight I’d lost back on.”

Having worked so hard to get fit again after the insect bite, it was soul-destroying to then suffer another serious injury. Lewis’ career though has been a never ending succession of peaks and troughs.

As a youth-teamer he trained with the well regarded Southampton youth academy, under a certain Stuart Naughton. Two years after his release from Saints, while working in a local shop, a familiar face came calling.

“I remember a phone call where a guy said ‘Hello Lewis, this is a blast from the past, it’s Stuart’. He offered me the chance to come down to Bristol, where he was the Centre of Excellence manager.”

A frustrating few seasons followed, initially making his first team debut at 17, Lewis felt somewhat overawed. “I was always a timid lad, and was so nervous to be with these big grown men. I remember I was so scared to be around these people and I knew I had to overcome this if I was going to make it.”

Lewis was unable to establish himself as a first team player in those first few seasons. Refreshingly though, he didn’t get despondent.

“To be involved, to even be on the bench was great. I actually feel going out on loan under Ian Atkins helped me grow thicker skin, and realise the importance of gym work, to be able to compete physically with the big defenders who wanted to kick me non stop.”

It wasn’t until the appointment of Paul Trollope as first team coach that he was brought back to the club and made a part of the first team.

“I was very thankful to ‘Trolls’ and Lennie Lawrence for bringing me back to the club, and I had my most successful spell there under them.”

Haldane is quick to acknowledge the help of others in making a name for himself in the football league though. “I owe Ray Graydon, Phil Bater and Stuart a lot for helping me to be able to play football for a living for a few years and I’ll never forget that.”

Described by himself as “a bit of an off-the-cuff player”, Lewis’ major asset was his blistering pace and direct runs. “I always liked to get people on their feet, and hopefully I did that.”

It seems appropriate now to mention the other side of that particular coin; the criticism that Lewis drew for trying to ‘win’ fouls.

“I got a lot of stick for going to ground easily but I believed if I went past a defender and they clipped me, or pulled me, I had the right to go down and get a free kick.”

“Maybe I could stay up, but I believe they still commited a foul, and if I want I have the right to take it. if you have a good set piece taker it’s a good chance to score a goal.”

Lewis drew the criticism of supporters in another area too, criticism that didn’t go unnoticed.

“I knew fans said that my end product was poor. It does affect your confidence, but a lot of quick wingers in every division have the same problem
I feel. They all get stick.”

Undoubtedly Lewis most successful season was the 2006/07 season at Rovers, when as part of a promotion winning side he played more than fifty games, often from the wing.

“My memories of that season will live with me forever. In one season I played at the home of my boyhood heroes, Leeds United, and to top it off Wembley, which was the best feeling ever.”

“Things like that no one can ever take away from you, so I feel absolutely privileged to have been part of it all.”

Those memories created a special bond with Bristol Rovers for Lewis. “I still look out for Bristol Rovers scores, they will always have a special place in my heart. I hope Bristol Rovers one day overtake City to become the top club in Bristol.”

“I had a great relationship with Gasheads, they are great passionate fans and made my time at Rovers an absolute privilege. I also had a great relationship with the directors at the club, for example Geoff Dunford and Kevin Spencer, and I could not speak more highly of them.”

So what now? “I would love to coach young children, and pass on my knowledge to them.”

Although a very early age to have to retire, Lewis admits that it wasn’t a total surprise.

“It wasn’t a complete shock, as I had the fear of never playing again the minute I broke my leg looking at the state of it. In fact my first question to the physio as I lay on the pitch was whether I’d ever play again.”

Lewis is quick to acknowledge the part that having a supportive family played in his recovery, both mentally and physically.

“They have supported me through the whole ordeal. Without them I honestly think I would have gone insane, but to be able to come home after a mentally tiring day and to be able to ring my family, talk to my girlfriend, and most of all to see my (18-month-old) little girl got me through it.”

“I really wanted her to be able to see her daddy play football, and for her to be proud of me, so that’s one of the most upsetting things for me now, knowing she will never see me play.”

Far from being bitter at how it all ended though, Lewis is far more philosophical when looking back over his time in the game.

“I haven’t played properly for two years, so I only had a six year career, compared to a normal career of maybe 14 years, so I regret all the injuries. At the same time I will also be thankful for the experiences I have had, and will never forget them.”

Showing a side that few people realise of Lewis, he reveals one more surprising fact.

“I’m fascinated by gang culture, for example the Jamaican and American gangs. I watch documentaries on them for hours on end.”

Lewis is certainly not your stereotypical footballer. Preferring family life to falling out of nightclubs in the early hours helped him achieve what he has done, and you can’t help but feel sorry at the way it ended.

Maybe your opinion of Lewis as a player wasn’t the best, a fact he himself acknowledges, but you will struggle to see another player who gave more of himself to the club.

A fact that will never be forgotten, it’s the reason why myself and a few other Gasheads are in the process of arranging a testimonial for Lewis later in the season.

Stay tuned to the clubs’ fans forums, and the official website for news. It would be great to show our appreciation for a man who became ‘one of us’.

And to give Lewis and his family that one more game.

He’s better than Hunt, you know…

At a time when football clubs are slashing costs in a bid to stay afloat, there are more players available on free transfers than ever before.

One player who knows all too well how difficult a situation it can be is former Bristol Rovers midfielder Craig Disley.

Disley was released from Shrewsbury Town in May last year, and joined the massed ranks of professionals all looking for a club.

“I honestly thought I would find another club without a problem, but that wasn’t the case. It’s dog-eat-dog out there with so many players looking for a club, and the money is just not there in the lower leagues anymore”.

Luckily for Craig, just as pre-season training was beginning, Blue Square Premier side Grimsby Town showed their hand and made him an offer which he quickly accepted.

“The Grimsby move was the best firm offer on the table at the time and it was one I felt was right. The fact that it was closer to home was a bonus too!”

Disley accepts that he is one of the luckier ones though. “I know players now, good players, even in September still without clubs. It’s a tough world.”

It wasn’t always like this for Craig though. As a teenager he progressed through the youth system at home town club Mansfield Town.

Reassuringly though, there was no hint of the arrogance which has blighted many promising careers.

“I’ve never really thought I’d ‘made it’, during my second year as a YTS I was playing some good football and I thought I had a good chance of becoming a professional.”

Become a professional he certainly did, in a Mansfield team which became known for playing attractive football.

“The side which I played in at Mansfield was a very good side. We were a very young side and had come through the youth team together so to progress to the first team was very pleasing.”

That side included several players destined for bigger things. “A lot of that team have gone on to have very good careers, the likes of Lee Williamson, Bobby Hassell and Liam Lawrence.”

Craig’s first taste of the transfer market was to come in 2004 though, after a meeting with controversial manager Keith Curle.

“I was offered a new deal, but since it was on less money I was able to leave on a free transfer. I just didn’t feel that I was a big part of his plans, which made the decision to leave easier.”

Moving away from home for the first time was not a simple choice though. “It was a hard decision but one that I felt was the right one.”

Bristol Rovers manager Ian Atkins well-known ability to attract players played a big part in his next move.

“I came down to Bristol to meet Ian and he really sold the club to me. At the time there were plans for a new stadium and the club were supposed to be based at Filton as a training base.”

Craig soon recognised the potential of the Pirates. “It was definitely a club on the up, and my mind was made up pretty much straight away.”

“I didn’t really know a lot about Rovers as a club, but I knew of the size and fanbase of the club, and that was a big attraction for me.”

Disley soon established himself as an important player, eventually striking up a key partnership with Stuart Campbell at the heart of Rovers’ midfield.

Remembered fondly by all Gasheads, Craig rates the 2006/07 season as the best in his career. “It didn’t start great but the run toward the end of that season was unbelievable. We were going into games knowing we wouldn’t be beaten. Even going behind at Wembley I knew we wouldn’t get beaten. That’s a great mindset to have.”

“That was one of the best days of my life. The JPT final was a great experience too, even in defeat to Doncaster.”

There is clearly a lot of affection still there toward Rovers, and those that played a big part in Disley’s Gas career. “Everyone was great to me during my time there. Obviously Trolls and Lennie were a big influence for me, and helped me develop a lot as a player, but from Roger the kitman to Keith Brookman to the office staff, everyone made my time at Rovers great.”

There was of course one particular song that became synonymous with Craig. “It always made me laugh, and I think it’s still a favourite for the fans to this day. It was hard explaining it to my daughter though!”

Sadly all dreams come to an end at some point, and the summer of 2009 was a disappointing one for Craig.

“I had a meeting with Trolls who explained that he wouldn’t be offering me another contract. It was half expected as, even though I’d played forty-odd games that season, I’d played a lot on the right of midfield, and although I gave my all there I didn’t feel that I was as effective out wide.”

A sense of déjà vu and that awful feeling of having to find a new club returned. “I’m not going to lie, at the time I was devastated. I didn’t want to leave the club; my family and kids were settled and I loved the area, but that’s football and it was time to move on.”

“I have some very fond memories of playing at Wembley and the Millennium Stadium in the same season, and the games against Bristol City were very special. I do think if I’d played more centrally in my last season that things could have been different.”

“It’s a fantastic club, and it would have been nice to have played in the new stadium, but sadly it never materialised.”

Craig had options to remain in League One but may have surprised a few people by choosing to move to Shrewsbury Town. “Shrewsbury were a great club in League Two, with a lovely new stadium and new training facilities, and was a club really on the up so I didn’t hesitate in joining.”

Sadly his two years at the New Meadow were interrupted by several injuries. “My time at Shrewsbury was very up and down. When I was fit I was playing well but I spent half of my two years there out with bad injuries.”

A broken ankle in February ruled him out for the remainder of the season, effectively bringing the curtain down on his Shrewsbury career.

“I think things would have been a lot different without the injuries but I’ll never know. I wasn’t used to it but injuries are part and parcel of football, it just came at a bad time for me.”

“In the end I was frozen out for no reason, which I don’t believe had anything to do with football.”

Refreshingly, unlike many footballers who dream of spending their retirement on the golf course, Craig Disley has a different idea of what the future holds.

“I’m currently at college doing an accountancy course, which is a route I’d like to go down, as I’m now at the age when I need to think of life after football. I have two kids, Emmie who’s nine and four-year-old Harry, and it’s tough moving around all the time, especially for them changing schools.”

Luckily, the West Country appears to have left it’s mark on the Disley family. “We can settle down after football, in Portishead maybe. My family are very supportive of me in everything I do, and would follow me anywhere and I’m extremely grateful for that.”

Craig has had a real lower league boys-own adventure. But would he change anything? “I have no regrets in my career, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I believe everything happens for a reason and I feel I’ve had a good career so far. I’ve played many more games than a lot of players will.”

In the style that has endeared him to fans everywhere he’s been, Craig finishes with one last quip when asked if there’s anything that people wouldn’t know about him.

“We’ll I’m not a natural blonde!”

And that, Craig, is why the West Country are proud to have you as an honorary son.

Straight Down the Line

For a young lad there isn’t much that compares to being released when your heart is set on becoming a professional footballer. Few make it as a professional afterwards. Even fewer make it to the top level.

One man who is working his way up the ladder is midfielder Chris Lines. Released from the youth system at boyhood heroes Bristol Rovers, Chris was then re-signed at 16. Quite a rollercoaster, surely?

“When I was released it was devastating” he says. Rather than go off the rails though, Chris had his head screwed on. “I started to think of other career options and decided to go to college, and enrolled on a three year course studying for a National Diploma in Sport. Luckily that was my route back into the game”

Chris was re-signed by Rovers at sixteen, and went on to make his debut at twenty. By May 2007, he was standing alongside his teammates celebrating promotion at Wembley.

“That was a brilliant season! It wasn’t long before that I was stood on the terraces, the next thing I’m celebrating in front of 40,000 Rovers fans at Wembley!”

Make no mistake though, this was no easy ride for Chris. In 2004, while Chris was trying to impress in the youth system, his father tragically died from a heart attack.

“It was the toughest time of my life so far. Football became irrelevant and all I wanted to focus on was looking after my Mum and my Sister.”

Faced with a difficult period, it would have been easy to fade away into a life of mediocrity. Not Chris though. “At the same time, it made me more determined to make him proud and play professionally. It’s made me a stronger person and I am fully focused on playing at the highest level I can, and I dedicate it all to him.”

So, football’s scrap heap, to Championship giants Sheffield Wednesday in eight years. When did Chris feel he’d arrived?

“I never feel like I’ve ‘made it’, I always strive to do better and won’t stop doing that until I realise that I’ve reached the highest I can.” The Premier League perhaps? “Why not? I have no limits for myself”.

Management duo Paul Trollope and Lennie Lawrence were a big inspiration for Chris. “Without a doubt Trolls and Lennie were the main people behind helping me to become a first team regular. They kept believing in me and I guess now I’m proving them right.”

Make no mistake though, this is no Roy of the Rovers story. In the 2010-11 season, Rovers were relegated from League One, and as a local boy, criticism soon followed.

“It was tough being a scapegoat at times, especially when my family were brought into it.” Chris became an easy target for frustrated fans.

“At the end of the day, I was a young, single lad living in my home town. Of course people are going to see me out and about. I’m not a robot, I’m just a normal guy from Filton, Bristol who enjoys spending time with my friends.”

Did it affect Chris though? Unsurprisingly, he’s been through enough to be able to deal with it. “The last thing I was worried about was clueless opinions from people sat at their computers”.

A parting of ways seemed inevitable then, and a week spent training with Crystal Palace appeared to have the answer. “It was decent. They were waiting until they had sold another midfielder though but obviously by then I was back for pre-season in Bristol”.

The benefactors of Palace’s indecision were then-League One giants Sheffield Wednesday, though it seemed for a while that he might remain a Rovers player.

“I really enjoyed pre-season and was made captain as well. My baby girl was due any moment and I stated that, for me, it would be best to be in Bristol for that time. However, when the season started and I was on the bench, I knew something was going on, that wasn’t football ability-related”.

With Wednesday hovering there was only one choice for Chris. “I decided to accept Wednesday’s offer and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Another promotion and crowds of 25,000 every home game last season was a dream come true”.

So what of Rovers? Several incidents had raised alarm over the summer, such as the decision to strip club stalwart Keith Brookman of almost all of his duties.

“The treatment of Keith was shocking as he is ‘Mr Bristol Rovers’ and an amazingly hard working guy.”

Rumours of board room interference on footballing matters over recent seasons should perhaps not make it a surprise. But did any of that really happen?

“Yeah I did receive some interference but the manager at the time picks the team, and he believed in me and wanted me in the team and that’s all that matters.”

How about the decision to scrap the reserve team several seasons before? Was that really as bad an idea as it seemed?

“I played a lot of reserve games so for me they were always something I looked forward to. However they could become slightly uncompetitive and I’m sure the new ideas of development squads and U21 leagues are a better plan.”

One thing that Gasheads have complained about for some time is player recruitment. Chris agrees that non-league is an untapped source.

“There are a lot of talented players playing outside the football league, and they’d come at a much cheaper cost than more established players who have been journeymen.”

In the past few seasons many players have left the club, either having been released like Byron Anthony, Steve Elliott, Stuart Campbell or Andy Williams; or leaving for bigger clubs like Lines and Rickie Lambert.

“I believe most of those mentioned would do a great job now, and when you look at the players that have left, most have gone on to higher clubs or more successful clubs. The grass isn’t always greener.”

One thing that was often levelled at Lines was that he wasn’t value for money. Did he justify his wages?

“I definitely feel I did. I worked my way up from peanuts to earning myself a decent deal. And that’s what happens when you work hard and perform well”.

Given the obstacles that Chris has overcome in his career, it’s difficult to disagree.

Where does he see Rovers at now? “I don’t know the current manager but I’m sure he has good ideas for the club, and aspirations to get the club back into League One at least.”

“I guess I’ve proved a lot of people wrong, and rubbished some opinions. I just hope that the successful days return to the club ASAP.”

You get the impression that even throughout the trials and tribulations of being a Rovers player as well as fan, that deep down Chris holds a place in his heart for the Gas.

Time will tell just how far Chris can go in the game, but I have a feeling that Gasheads have many proud times to come. Chris has matured into a classy box-to-box midfielder, but as this interview shows, more importantly a classy human being.

And the credit for that, must go to the entire Lines family.

In defence of Derek

“He’s done it again” report certain media outlets.

Ricky Gervais made headlines again this week, for the wrong reasons depending on who’s opinion you listen to.

It was said that Gervais’ new show, Derek, about a lonely guy who works in a nursing home; was poking fun at the elderly.

This is a comedian who is no stranger to controversy, having found himself at the centre of a storm of critique just a few months back when he used the word ‘mong’ on Twitter.

People said he was mocking those with downs syndrome, when in reality Ricky was guilty of nothing more than naivety toward how many view the meaning of that word. An apology for any offence followed and he has not used the word since.

He also found himself in hot water a few years ago when, during a stand up show, he made a joke that mentioned teenage cancer sufferers.

Having now watched ‘Derek’ all it has done it confirmed to me that there are many, MANY people in the world who all too easily confuse the subject of a joke with the target.

Just because a joke is told about someone with ginger hair, or a fat belly, that doesn’t mean that said person is being victimised or targeted.

As Gervais himself has said before, everyone has the right to take offence, but that doesn’t mean you are right.

A plethora of comments were made in the media this week in the run up to the screening of ‘Derek’, the vast majority of which were from people who had seen no more than a 30-second trailer.

After watching the show, it is strikingly similar to the last episodes of The Office and Extras. Not entirely laugh out loud but with more than a few quips to raise a smile; and full of the humility and honesty that comes only from a good writer.

The real subject of ‘Derek’ is not the man himself. It’s a touching tale about those people in life who may not fit with genetically perfect stereotypes of looking like models, or being suave and sophisticated with the opposite sex; but actually bear the far more important trait of being a nice person.

All too often in life we see advertising campaigns with size zero models, and then follows a wave of complaints about the championing of skinny women.

Is this not the same principle? By actually watching the show you realise that the main characters all share the common ground of being kind, warm hearted and generous. This is the tale that isn’t told by Hollyoaks or any one of a sea of ‘bubblegum television’.

The scene in which Derek is told about the death of a resident that he spent a lot of time with was incredibly sad, but at the same time breathtaking. I’ll be honest and admit that it had me reaching for the tissues.

Comedy by it’s very nature is subjective. Some of the most successful comedians or series have just as many people who don’t like it as that who adore it.

There are also more than a few shows that, if it were made now, would not get past a pilot for the sea of complaints about jokes made toward people who are thick, foreign or obese.

Take Fawlty Towers; the loveable idiot that was treated as such, Manuel, would draw a mountain of letters to the BBC now. Racism no doubt.

The same goes for Father Ted, which no doubt portrayed the Irish as alcoholic idiots.

Ricky Gervais, in truth, is a comedian who will always draw criticism for the simple reason that he writes comedy that he would laugh at, rather than whatever TV companies want to see.

At that is precisely what makes the best comedy. Simply because it’s ‘real’. Ricky doesn’t care if a million people don’t find his work funny because he does, and by definition that makes it, to him, funny; and something to be proud of.

There are limits of course, and a comedian who stood in a club in Liverpool for example, and told stories about people tragically caught up in the Hillsborough disaster would, quite rightly, be seen as out of order.

Because of certain taboo subjects, some of the best comedy now comes from clever observations of certain beliefs.

I’ll finish with the best one liner I have ever heard; from the mouth of Ricky Gervais during the closing moments of last years’ Golden Globes ceremony, which perfectly encapsulates the meaning of the word ‘Joke’.

“I’d like to thank God, for making me an atheist.”

Never a truer word spoken, in my opinion. But that doesn’t make me right…

Strike it Lucky

I have always felt incredibly lucky to be a Bristol Rovers supporter. Not because we are Bristol’s oldest football club, and certainly not because we’ve been – for the most part – the ‘poorer relations’ of Bristol; but because we have been spoiled for goal scorers to enjoy.

We saw the beginnings of names like Marcus Stewart, Jamie Cureton, Jason Roberts and Nathan Ellington; but the best of the lot for me, and the subject of this blog, is a Mr Rickie Lambert.

I feel I should give you a little background on how Rickie, or Lord Lambert as many Gasheads know him, came to join our club.

Leading up to deadline day in August 2006, it was heavily rumoured that our star striker at that time Junior Agogo was on the verge of a move to Nottingham Forest.

Anticipating this, our management duo of Paul Trollope and Lennie Lawrence compiled a list of potential replacements. That list included Rickie at number five, with names like Adebayo Akinfenwa and Andy Williams above him on the list.

When Agogo was finally sold at the eleventh hour, our board signed someone from that list. That man was Lambert.

Arriving for a fee of £200,000, it was big money for a fourth division club, especially for a man not known at that time for his prolific goal scoring.

In truth it took Rickie several months to settle and really hit any kind of form, but with a little run in the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy eventually leading to an area final against ‘that lot’ Bristol City the stage was set for Lambert to announce his arrival.

With the tie goalless after the first leg at Ashton Gate, the return fixture was understandably tense and with few chances.

The one we did get however just so happened to drop on Rickie’s hammer of a right foot from 15 yards out. Before he could even think about stopping it, City goalkeeper Adriano Basso had already been beaten and Lambert had sent the home fans wild.

After that Rickie’s career really took off. He scored a succession of unbelievable goals in the remainder of that season, helping fire Rovers to promotion via the playoffs.

What happened after that is fairly well documented as far as Rickie’s phenomenal scoring record stands, and it was gutting to finally hear in the summer of 2009 that he had been sold to Southampton for an initial £800,000.

So why is Rickie the best I’ve seen? Especially given that several of our ex-strikers went on to play with some success in the Premier League?

The answer is that I’ve never seen any other individual player that gave me as much joy as Rickie.

Sure, many others had pace to burn that saw them leave defender’s for dead, or had a knack of being in the right place at the right time.

But the old cliche was true of Rickie, he wasn’t just a scorer of great goals – and there were more than a few very special strikes – but he was a great goal scorer too.

An absolute hammer of a right foot but with a touch that could manoeuvre past several players in the blink of an eye, you expected Lambert to score every time he got the ball.

It was fitting that upon arrival at St Mary’s he was bestowed the ultimate honour of the shirt number of a certain Matthew Le Tissier. There are more than a few similarities, that’s for sure.

To see Rickie go on to further his career so much with his ‘new’ club has a certain feeling to it that is odd. Kind of like watching an ex-girlfriend in bed with their new boyfriend, there was always a jealous glance with every headline he wrote.

I can’t begrudge such an icon in our history his success though so it has been especially pleasing to watch his growth to the point that he was rightly crowned the Championship’s best player recently.

It’s especially pleasing as not only has he worked so hard both after joining Rovers and then even more so after joining Saints, but because he is genuinely one of football’s good guys.

For me, living in the New Forest, Southampton share the mantle with Bournemouth of ‘second team’, so nothing will give me greater pleasure than to see them rubber stamp their promotion in the coming months and for Lambert to finally get his shot at the real big time, and that long overdue chance to play at his beloved Anfield.

And he’ll take it. He’s that good, I guarantee it. During his time with Rovers many other players from the lower leagues earned moves to Championship clubs, and time after time we were told they were better players.

Whether it was Simon Cox, Freddie Eastwood or Charlie Austin we were told that pace was the deciding factor.

A look at those players now, along with how many goals they’ve scored and created in their respective leagues will tell you how wrong that is.

I just wish we appointed an England manager that would take a gamble on him for the European Championships.

Forever proud.

‘Great’ Britain?

There are many things to like about Britain.

The multiculturalism, it’s football heritage, and it’s wealth of original comedy are but a few of my favourites.

However, recently we’ve seen two very different reasons to question the ‘Greatness’ of it.

The first made me question just how ‘multi-cultural’ we actually are.

Last week a video titled ‘My Tram Experience’ went absolutely mental on YouTube, and has so far been seen by around 8.5m viewers.

In it, a white woman throws some horrendous racial slurs toward black men and women on a train, aiming such comments as ‘go home’ toward shocked passengers. Whilst holding a child of no more than about 6 in her arms.

Thankfully soon after the video was making waves and the ‘woman’ (I use that term loosely) was tried and found guilty by Twitter, it emerged that she had in fact been arrested and charged with inciting racism.

Secondly, and very differently, was the ridiculous uproar surrounding ‘motormouth’ (copyright The Sun) Jeremy Clarkson and his views on civil servant protestors on The One Show.

Let me make this clear, I do not agree with Clarkson’s comments that protestors be ‘executed in front of their families’, and I do not want to turn this into a debate on the rights or wrongs of said protests & strikes.

However, is everyone not entitled to an opinion, and a right to express that opinion – however wrong it may be?

I suppose you could say that the person at the centre of the YouTube video I mentioned earlier was doing the same, however there are two very clear differences.

Firstly, Clarkson broke no laws in making his quips to the live BBC One show.

Secondly, that is, quite simply, what Clarkson ‘does’.

That of course does not mean he is untouchable, but he’s paid vast sums by the BBC to provoke people with his forthright and frank opinions on anything from cars to pop stars to other TV shows.

Is that not what he achieved?

The very fact that his baby, Top Gear, is one of only two shows that make the BBC serious money means that those calling for Clarkson to resign or be fired (led by the equally loathsome Piers Morgan; yes the very same one who printed fake ‘abuse’ photos on the front of his national newspaper) will, I suspect, remain disappointed.

27,000 people took the time to complain to the BBC about it. TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND. Not long after a general election with one of the lowest voter turnouts on record, but in a society when several MILLION people phone up and vote on the BBC’s other cash cow ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ every week.

Surprising? Well, not really. Disappointing? Let me answer that with a saying I heard some time ago that seems rather apt in more ways than one:

‘Different streaks for different freaks’

Far more fitting than ‘each to their own’ I think.

Too Few Good Men

I am 27. By no means ‘old’ as a football supporter, I hear my elders talk with fondness of their favourite players from times gone by and wonder both how they would compare to my favourites, and what I would make of them.

Names like Billy Bremner, Kevin Keegan, Norman Hunter and Bobby Charlton are just a few players held in high regard by supporters of the teams they played for, or supporters that were able to see them play.

For me, as a child of the 80’s, I was first becoming obsessed with football around the start of the 1990’s, when the Premier League was first being introduced.

I remember collecting ‘Pro Set’ football cards, roughly the size of a credit card with a picture and short profile of each player in the top flight.

There was one that stood out to me when I got it. Not just because he had the look of a footballer. Perfect complexion and pin-up good looks.

No, because as I was becoming obsessed with the beautiful game I knew how good this guy was.

How hard he worked to ensure he could perform to the best of his ability and at the very highest level.

That man was Gary Speed.

A player often described as ‘industrious’ due to the fact that he would run and run all day long, but had an absolute peach of a left foot to go with it.

This was a long while before the introduction of sports science and all the associated changes that went with it when Arsene Wenger came to the Premier League.

This was a day in which a pre-match meal would consist of a Saturday morning fry-up, not the complex carbohydrates that are the norm now.

Because of the advances in technology and knowledge, massive changes were made to a footballer’s approach to the game which meant many fell by the wayside.

Gary Speed was different though. He was one of the very few who looked after himself before it became the done thing.

Having cut his footballing teeth alongside true professionals like Gordon Strachan and Gary McAllister at Leeds United, he learned how to respect the game and himself in order to have a long and successful career.

The fact that his 535 Premier League games was only recently surpassed by Ryan Giggs and David James is a testament to how hard Speed worked.

It’s no coincidence that he was very rarely injured.

He was also a truly nice guy, so I’ve heard. Unfortunately I was never lucky enough to meet the man myself but of the many thousands who did, I’ve never heard one story that painted him in anything other than a good light.

He always had time for fans, young or old, and would dedicate many hours of his time to visiting hospitals and schools to brighten the day of many people who met a ‘star’.

I’m not sure that Gary Speed ever really saw himself as a star, but make no mistake, he was. He was far more than that.

He was a legend.

That word is used far too often now to describe decidedly average footballers who have opinions of their ability far in excess of reality.

That is an insult to a player like Speed who went on to play nearly a hundred games for Wales, half of them as a very proud captain, and would later serve his country as manager up until his untimely death this weekend.

The reasons behind his alleged suicide are a mystery, and will undoubtedly remain so, however it seems there was some underlying mental problem that Gary was sadly never to get the help he needed.

I can only begin to imagine how his widow and two teenage boys are coping with the events of the last 24 hours. It should comfort them though that so many people who never met the man have felt such sadness at this awful news.

Mental health is a silent killer. Literally. Many before Gary Speed have suffered with depression and other mental illness but have been afraid, worse ashamed, to get help because of the draconian attitude toward mental health in this country.

Stan Collymore is apparently suffering a particularly bad bout at present, having suffered at the hands of depression in the past. I truly hope Stan can conquer his demons and feel good about life sooner rather than later.

If you think you need help, do not be afraid to ask for it.

Mental illness is NOT a sign of weakness anymore than a cold or flu. It can strike anyone at anytime.

We may never know why Gary Speed felt that the only way to deal with whatever issues he had was to take his own life, but this can serve as a warning to us all.

In a day and age when many of today’s footballers are more interested in their bank balance than their performance, Gary Speed will stand the test of time as a role model for youngsters and how to approach the game.

I will certainly be telling my boy about him. What a wonderful player he was and what a credit to his profession and his family he was.

I only hope he has now found the peace that he was sadly never to find in life.

R.I.P. Gary Speed MBE.

Truth & Justice

Some time ago I was lucky enough to be doing some radio work on my local commercial station covering the local non-league club, Salisbury City. ‘The Whites’ made it all the way through the qualifying rounds of the FA Cup that season and were handed the biggest draw possible: away to Sheffield Wednesday.

It was the first time I’d visited the wonderful stadium but as soon as we arrived and the ground appeared in front of us at the Leppings Lane end, everyone grew silent. The hue of a crown talking died down and to a man each and every one of us was quiet.

Some fourteen years previously thousands of men, women and children had made the same journey up to the ground that we had, and had shared the childlike sense of excitement at a big cup match at a famous old ground.

The difference is though that 96 of them never returned.

As I stood outside the very end of the stadium in which that awful tragedy occurred, I cried. I wasn’t the only one either. I’m told that a lot of people have the same reaction when they first visit Hillsborough. It certainly proves as a stark reminded of just what football is: a game.

Sadly the incident is once again fresh in people’s memories this week following the parliamentary debate in the House of Commons on Monday – the very first brought about by an online petition, which attracted a staggering 140,000 signatures including mine and I hope yours.

Liverpool MP Steve Rotheram, amongst others, spoke with great dignity and courage about the ordeal and the house passed the motion without vote that all documents relating to the events of that day be released to the public.

That 96 people should go to a football match and never return due to the incompetence of many people in positions of authority that day is a frankly horrifying thought.

There is a worse part of all this though and that’s where one of the biggest liars and most egotistical TV ‘personalities’ Kelvin McKenzie comes in.

At the time he was the editor of The Sun newspaper and on Wednesday 19th April 1989, just four days after the tragedy in which 95 poor souls had already perished (the 96th victim died some time later never having awoken from a coma), personally gave the green light to the main story on the front page.

It read simply ‘The Truth’ and went on to explain how not only was the tragedy allegedly the fault of Liverpool’s own supporters in trying to enter the ground without match tickets, but that they stole from the dead, assaulted emergency workers and urinated on police officers trying to help those crushed behind the barriers at the front of the stadium.

When reading about this article, this man and this ‘newspaper’ now, it still makes my blood boil to think that in an instant he can disrespect the victims and families so much with downright lies. The worry is that some people might believe him.

Allegedly other reporters at The Sun tried to convince McKenzie not to run the story but he himself gave the green light and ran it on the front page as fact.

Other newspapers printed these allegations too of course but when it became quickly apparent that there was no substance to these claims they quickly apologised and retracted their comments.

Not McKenzie or The Sun though. McKenzie steadfastly clung to the misguided belief that his ‘sources’ – named in the paper simply as ‘insiders’ at the police force in effect that day – were correct and that he had told the truth.

The fact that so many catastrophic errors had been made by that very police force that day seemed to elude McKenzie and even now he still maintains his stance, saying recently “I made no apology then and I make no apology now, we told the truth”.

What a vile excuse for a man. That he is still employed by television companies to talk about the news is frankly astounding and only yesterday he made an appearance on ITV’s This Morning programme. Yes, the very same ‘This Morning’ that for years was based in….Liverpool.

I am not a Liverpool fan, but I will NEVER buy The Sun as long as there is blood in my veins. The same goes for so many football fans from around the country showing support for fellow football fans who’s friends and families have been so badly insulted by that publication after committing the heinous crime of attending a football match.

So I urge anyone else reading this who perhaps didn’t understand before why people boycotted that paper, to join me and the many thousands of others in leaving it on the shelf too.

By also avoiding any show with Kelvin McKenzie in we may, in time, convince broadcasters not to give air time to that odious liar.

I’d like to finish with one story that sums up how much people think of the campaign by the Hillsborough Justice Committee.

At the end of his tenure, outgoing Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez, on the same day that he was sacked, paid a visit to the office of the HJC and handed over a cheque for £96,000, £1,000 for each of the victims of that tragic day.

Now, it isn’t money that they need, but awareness and support. The House of Commons ruled on Monday night that all documents pertaining to the incident be released to the public. The fight is gathering great momentum.

Soon enough, with the release of these documents, I believe that the families of the 96 victims with finally get justice and once and for all it can be proven that the inefficiency of the authorities that day were responsible for the horror that followed.

Maybe then people will wake up to ‘The Truth’ originally spun by McKenzie and The Sun.

Maybe ‘The Truth’ will finally bring them down.

Maybe, just…maybe.

Don’t buy The Sun.

Justice for the 96.

http://www.contrast.org/hillsborough/

Football in the Red

At the risk of starting with a typical footballing cliche, football was very different when I was a lad.

Now, bearing in mind that I was only born in 1984, and my earliest footballing memories are of USA 94, that seems like a short time.

However, when I was first transfixed by the beautiful game, you could decide to go to a game on a Saturday morning, turn up and pay about a tenner to get into The Dell, watching Premier League football.

Players earned a mere fraction of the exorbitant sums that today’s stars earn, and administration was a word reserved purely for office use.

Where did it all go wrong?

With the introduction of the mega TV money that Premier League clubs now earn due to the growth of Sky television when the ‘big league’ was launched, clubs at the level just below that are gambling to get into the elite more and more frequently, mostly ending in massive debts.

This of course has caused a knock on effect down the leagues, including the apple of my own eye, Bristol Rovers.

Take us as an example. When I was first watching football we were playing in an absolute pit of a ground in Bath, sharing with Bath City thanks to us having had to leave our spiritual home in Bristol some years before because we simply couldn’t afford to stay.

Since then we have amassed some £6m in debt, most of which is purely down to an ongoing running loss each year.

This figure is even more baffling and disturbing when you consider that back in 2007 we twice took 40,000 fans (as a League Two club I might add) to finals within two months, earning the club millions.

We have also received over £6m in player sales for the likes of Marcus Stewart, Jamie Cureton, Barry Hayles, Jason Roberts, Nathan Ellington, Rickie Lambert and lately Will Hoskins.

As I said, barmy. The REALLY worrying thing is that we are by no means the only club in such financial strife, indeed we aren’t even one of the worst off as clubs like Plymouth, Wrexham and Luton will testify.

Player salaries today are simply incomprehensible to someone who’s heroes from a young age were earning hundreds rather than hundreds of thousands of pounds per week.

I’m not for a second suggesting that players shouldn’t be paid those amounts – if you’re earning your employer millions of pounds per year then I think you’d want a decent slice too – merely that clubs need to get their houses in order and sharpish.

I believe the way forward is a turnover-linked salary cap, and this is where I believe the big clubs can learn from little clubs like us.

Since 2003 League Two clubs have operated under a self imposed salary cap, restricting clubs spending on wages to a maximum of 60% of turnover.

It has been so successful that not only are League One clubs now going to be subject to the same rules, but the figure is actually coming down to 55%.

I believe this is a fair way to operate as it allows the ‘bigger’ clubs in any division to pay bigger salaries since their turnover from ticket sales would be far greater than some. This would mean that although Manchester United could offer more as a basic wage than, say Wigan, it makes it a more even playing field in terms of choosing a club rather than simply who pays the most.

This approach would have stopped the situation that Leeds United suffered after gambling their very future on Champions League qualification, only to lose, very nearly, everything.

In order to try and recoup some of the ludicrous wages they are bound to pay out, clubs are even now increasing ticket prices meaning your average family can simply not afford to go and see their team live.

How is it right that a game between Bristol Rovers and Plymouth Argyle – who are both in the bottom 15 out of 92 professional teams in England – is classed as a ‘category A’ match in order for my club to charge an extra £2 per ticket?

The official line is that as it is a ‘higher profile’ game (stop laughing, you) that extra policing is required therefore costing the club more to stage. Funnily enough there was NO increased ticket price at the game last season between the very same two sides.

Football needs to get a grip and fast, otherwise I fear that a long line of proud, established professional clubs could pay the ultimate price for years of living outside their means.

It’s all well and good to spend squillions on players if you have an oil barron underwriting the club, but what if you have a board who simply cannot afford it?

I fear that someone in authority needs to step in as greed will ultimately mean that no clubs are brave enough to begin such a structure, and if they don’t, there might be a lot less than 92 league clubs very shortly.

I suspect that the good folk at Sky who would have us believe that football was invented in 1991 might have something to say about that though…

Hopefully by the time you next read my ramblings there will have been an emergency meeting at FIFA to discuss these radical new proposals.

Now, where did I leave my pigs’ flying goggles….